Stop calling them lattes

Blue algae latte Photograph via matcha_mylkbar@instagram

Whatever happened to good old espressso and milk? Instagram, that’s what. The latest in line is the blue algae latte. Yes, they’re now adding spirulina to milk and calling it a latte. Who drinks a latte for protein? The new millennial who also does techno yoga. Yes, that’s now a thing, we believe. For those looking for anything other than caffeine in in their latte, say for instance, anti-oxidants and vitamins, we even found beetroot and sweet potato lattes. Earlier this year, a few other odd varieties of latte, including turmeric and saffron, were all the rage and we tried explaining the difference between an Indian grandmother’s home remedies and lattes to a hipster in Mumbai. But he was already onto his next matcha latte.

Now this is the thing with matcha lattes: They look as vile as they taste. We ordered our cup, which turned out to be a soup bowl, and were reminded of one of our favourite episodes from Curb Your Enthusiasm, whose star Larry David finds even the idea of a latte ludicrous. The green milky drink did no justice to either a latte or the matcha tea that has inspired the ancient tea ceremony tradition in Japan.

Beetroot latte Photograph by irenee_i@instagram

We’ve begun to believe that anything could make for a latte – we found a recipe for both cucumber and carrot lattes online and we’re sure there’s an eggpant latte idea floating about somewhere. Our undying hope is that it will only be available in a parallel universe or at the newly launched poop cafe.

And please stop calling them lattes. This video memo was sent out a long time ago.